beat of my heart

its been a long time since ive done this, but why not? i think i could use it.

dear flip,
i know thats my nickname but, i thought it fit the situation. well, im not quite sure what i want to say.. i wish i had the guts to say these things to your face but, you and i both know that i am all talk and no action. i guess i just want to say that im sorry. i know you felt like i played you, but i didnt. you are my friend. you are one of my best friends. and when kelsey moves away, you will be my only friend left. that is, if you decide to forgive me. i dont quite understand exactly what i did wrong, but i dont care. i still want to apologize, if it gives me any chance at being your friend again. as weird as it is so say, i need you. sometimes me and my friends crack jokes about you, but, if we didnt love you, then we wouldnt hang out with you. and i do love you. as a friend, of course. more so a brother. anyways, i just really hope you know that i am honestly and sincerely sorry for whatever it is that i did. and i hope we can still be friends.

dear whoreman,
i dont hate you. and the nickname has no symbolance. (is that even a word?) but its just an inside joke. anyways, again, im not sure where to start. i SERIOUSLY wish i had to guts to say this to your face but that is a long shot from never going to happen. i dont want to be some dumb high school girl who cant get over her first real crush. even though we lasted a good whole 10 days. but im sad. and it makes me sad to think that i never even got the chance to really know you. we went from strangers to crushes in little to no time. so, now that its gone, i guess were back to square one. with an added touch of awkward, of course. anyways, im not mad at all and i hope you know that. i feel used, for sure. i feel lied to, and embarrased and really awkward. my group will never be the same. you will be gone, along with flip. and it will just be weird. ill miss you but, not too much. sometimes its just best to move on. im glad we met though, because you sir, are amazing. you already know this but, youre the reason i went back to church. because i wanted to be worthy of someone like you when i get older. so, thank you for that. you taught me a good lesson. thank you for your example and for just being my friend. I O U. :)

dear best friend who i dont even know what nickname to pick because they would all be to obvious,
2012, here we come... right? new boys, new year, new start. weve got this :)




until next time
shelby sue lesueur