i was thinking about deleting my last post but decided not to. this is a blog, and i can share my feelings, no matter how dramatic. i dont find it to be dramatic but, you all probably do. however, the reason i was going to delete it was because well, in the last 5 hours that ive been thinking, and ive realized something. life is too short to be miserable. i know what he did hurt, but, its not going to forever. i can not let one person ruin my day, week, and even month. today in seminary we had the most amazing lesson ever. let me elaborate into more detail for you.
well, we didnt even exactly have a lesson. we had planned to, but we didnt. it started out with devotionals. it was open devotional, which means anyone could give it. usually we have, if lucky, one person go up (and its usually the same people). but, today was very different. we had about 4 or 5 people go up. it was truly incredible. everyones testimony/devotional was amazing. i thought that it was the best day in seminary yet, however, it got even better. after devotional, my teacher was thrilled. he was glad that everyone was so brave to share, and you could tell the room was surrounded by the spirit. it almost felt as if we were all in a bubble together. and nothing was going to get us out of that bubble, no matter how hard it tried. normally we're a pretty roudy class, but today was just different. anyways, after devotional, brother ray wanted to talk about our scripture mastery scripture before we moved on to the lesson. this was the scripture:
Isaiah 53: 3-5
3. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
as he read the scripture, i honestly couldn't help but just cry. i'm not sure if it was guilt, the spirit, or what. but something was different. that scripture meant something to me. he read it again. i cried even more. the class was silent and brother ray just kept talking about the scripture. he started to break down, and so did everyone else. needless to say, i have never felt such a strong spirit in the class. he decided to just forget the lesson and let the class have a testimony meeting the rest of the hour. a lot of people shared there testimony, but i was too scared. so, i guess i kind of want to share it with you. i have a feeling i might share it next fast sunday but, who knows.
well, i guess i regret not sharing this in seminary. i know i should have because not many people will see this. but, i am so thankful for this gospel. this scripture was a reality check for me. it made me realize so much. ive realized how much our Father loves us. He loves us so much more than we love Him, and it makes me so sad. people sin against Him all the time, and think nothing of it. i know that i have been through hard times, and i still am. i couldnt imagine having to be Him and feeling everyones pain and suffering all at one time. He bled from every poor and fell to His knees because it was so much to take. so, how can i be so ungrateful? how can i sin without feeling guilt? i never realized that sinning not only affects me, but it affects Him as well. today was a rough day for me. i was really getting down on myself for a lot of things. even after that lesson, i just went home and cried because i felt like things just werent getting any better. things felt so pointless, and i just felt like i was at an all time low. so, for two hours, i cried. and i thought, "why me? why now? this is not fair." and then i remembered the lesson. i remember that He has felt this pain before. some people say they know how you feel but, He truly does. He knows what you are going through. He is there to help. all you have to is ask. He wants you to ask. He gave his only son so that you can ask for help. so, i did what i thought was my only option. i prayed. and i prayed for over 45 minutes. i havent said a personal prayer in over a year. and i dont know why, because the second i finished that prayer and asked him for help, and asked him for answers and comfort, He gave it to me. i felt so much peace. i stopped crying. i knew that things were still going to be hard, but it felt like He was suddenly holding my hand. or, He always was, i just never knew it. i have the strongest testimony of our brother, Jesus Christ, and our Father, the Savior. i know, without at doubt that He will always be there to hold you when you need it. i say this from personal experience. there is no one who knows what you are going through like He does. if you think you're lost, and you're angry and mad, dont do what i did. dont turn away from Him. turn TO Him because He wants to help. He loves you more than you can understand. no matter what we have ever done in the past to cause Him to grief, i know that if you start now, and you just do whats right, and ask for help along the way, there is no doubt in my mind that He will be there to guide you every step of the way.
i say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
shelby lesueur
